What would you do if your BF/ GF got fat?

by Bex Bastable

Would you find your partner less attractive if they put on a significant amount of weight? Say they went from a size 8 to a 16; would you ask them to lose the weight, or even consider ending the relationship?

These are questions I asked in an online survey to see what you thought about the issue of weight gain in relationships. Thankfully most were forgiving, but some interesting comments were left.

 

Firstly, when I asked whether you would find your partner less attractive if they put on weight, the outcome was divided, with 37.5% saying yes, 31.3% saying no, and 31.3% being unsure.

One male said: ‘Obviously it depends what weight they were to begin with and how much weight is being put on. But assuming I found them attractive in the first place, enough to start a relationship with them, and then they put on significant weight it shouldn't be surprising or unreasonable to say they have become less attractive in my eyes.’

This seems a valid point, as for most people appearance is the initial attraction, but after that presumably there is something more, and one other male said ‘if I felt I was already in love with someone, I'd find it hard to change my mind, even if I was no longer physically attracted to them.’

So it seems the opposite sex aren’t all bad!

 

Then I asked if you would suggest to your partner that they should lose weight, and only 25% said that they would, with 37.5% saying that they wouldn’t, and with 37.5% being unsure.

A female said, ‘I answered yes to if I would ask him to lose weight. The reason I said "yes" is because a relationship is about encouraging one another to stay healthy. Not encouraging each other to stay tiny and ripped, but healthy, so that both may spend a happy, long life together.’ This seems like a reasonable response; asking your partner to lose weight over concerns for their weight rather than for more shallow reasons seems like a legitimate, even caring request.

However one person admitted ‘I'm shallow - but I don't see it as a bad thing. I don't understand why some characteristics - sense of humour, intelligence - are acceptable to base your opinion of someone on, but others - the way they look - make you a bad person.’

 

The final question was whether you would consider dumping someone over significant weight gain. An overwhelming 87.5% of people said that they wouldn’t dump their partner, with only 6.3% saying that they would, and the other 6.3% being unsure.

It would be pretty unfair to dump someone over weight gain, and completely devastating for the dumpee; suggesting that they lose weight is one thing, but ending the relationship is another. One person did comment that ‘weight gain demonstrates a lack of interest in their health and appearance and a lack of self-esteem. It's more than about vanity. If you have low self-esteem, then generally speaking you're not much fun to be around.’

It is a hard to say whether it is acceptable to end a relationship because of weight gain because of a factor like this, where the person becomes depressed or loses their self-esteem. But then surely as their partner it would be in your interests to help your partner, and get them back into a good place in their life.

Also weight gain doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is unhappy. A lot of people gain weight in relationships because they are comfortable with their partner, and trust them not to judge them for putting on a few extra pounds.

Another comment made was that, ‘I don’t think it is reason to end a relationship. But I think that both parties in the relationship should want to look nice for their partner. If they start not to care if you find them attractive or not, by putting on weight, it might seem that they don't care if that their partner finds them attractive.’

Another valid point; in a relationship is important to try and keep the spark in order to keep your partner interested. Maybe this is something that passes when you have been together for years and years, but for most relationships I think it is important to keep your partner interested in you.

So there’s been a mixed bag of responses to the issues concerning weight in relationships, but most people seem willing to forgive, and would just encourage their partner to lose weight in the interest of their health rather than for more superficial reasons.

 

Contributor Blurb: Bex is a fantastic blogger who we found on twitter. She has her own blog which provides tips, advice and guidance to aspiring journalists on how to break into the industry as well as offering up more dating wisdom. Drop by to www.aspiringcosmogirl.wordpress.com for more of Bex's writing!

 

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