Trying to Win back your Ex?

by Julie Nice

Pining for your ex? Want him back? We ask whether you should even try and if you should, then how to go about making him yours again.

 

Are you sure you want to?

Winning your ex back is not an easy task because you are trying to influence another person’s will so before attempting it be absolutely sure you really do want to renew your relationship.

Think about the past. Think about the problems that led you to break up in the first place. Put your feelings aside and be objective when you carry out this exercise. Then project yourself and your ex into the future and try to imagine the two of you in a happy and functioning relationship. If you can’t, then it may be best to put the relationship to bed and treat it like a transient enjoyable episode in your life.

 

Were you the dumped or the dumpee?

If you were the one being dumped then forget winning back your ex.

Painful though it may be, you must realise that winning your ex back under these circumstances is highly unlikely and if you did try it is more than possible that your ex will end up finding you irritating.

Break ups don’t happen out of the blue. You may be shocked to find yourself single but your ex has probably been thinking about it for a while and in that time they have disassociated themselves from you.

Don't worry, you too, will catch up to them and be able to move on but since you found out later and since it wasn’t your choice in the first place it is going to take you slightly longer.

The dumped often feel they want their relationship back but it may not always be because they are still in love with the ex. What frequently happens is that the ego is bruised and they want what they can’t have. Both are natural impulses but not good enough reasons to try and resurrect a relationship.

If you are the dumped party the best thing you can do is to throw yourself into your life, you should go out, focus on work and take up a new hobby. Fill your life so you do not have to dwell on the past and after a couple of months when the pain has subsided you will see that things aren’t so bad.

 

Were you dumped because you cheated?

If you were dumped because you cheated on your ex then this is a situation where there is a possibility that they could take you back and in this instance you have to grovel, grovel, grovel.

You must show them that you are sincerely sorry and in order to win them back you’ll have to be in it for the long haul. They will probably want to punish you for breaking their trust and that’s fair enough; you’re going to have to deal with what they dish out.

Be patient and when their anger dies down wait and see whether they are willing to forgive you. If they are, that’s great, just make sure you never give them reason to suspect you of cheating again and if they don’t, you will have to respect their wishes.

 

Did you dump?

If you were the one that ended the relationship you too will have to swallow your pride.

Ask yourself why you dumped the person in the first place and why you want them back. Were you bored with them and yearned for the single life and now you realise that you made a mistake? If that is the case then it isn’t good enough. You want your ex back for selfish reasons and you will most likely feel bored again at some point in the future.

But if the reasons are deeper and you truly miss the ex then you should make a play to get them back.

 

Be Quick

Once you’ve decided you want your ex back, move quickly. Ring them, meet with them, and tell them that you made a mistake and that you want them back.

If they have missed you as much as you’ve missed them then this should pretty much do the trick.

However if a significant amount of time has passed then a little more effort is required. You must reengage them on a friendship level as chances are they may bear some mistrust toward you as you have broken their heart once before.

Don’t pressurise them to get back together with you, just enjoy spending time with them and rebuild your closeness. If you and your ex are meant to be the feelings will naturally be rekindled and things should fall into place.

 

In conclusion

Trying to win back an ex isn’t easy and often isn’t the wisest decision either as it can lead to yet more heartbreak so before attempting it really consider whether it is worth the hassle. It may be best to learn from the mistakes of the past so you can look to making the next relationship work in the future. However if you are convinced your ex is the love of your life then channel your inner Romeo and go get ‘em.

Good luck!

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